You know those moms who talk incessantly about how much they love their kids, and how perfect and wonderful they are? When Gavin was a little itty bitty tiny baby, I had a friend like that. (Can you see all my friends thinking to themselves, was that me? Don’t worry, it wasn’t you. Or you. You either. Yup, it was you.) Those friends are great, but they kind of make you want to scream, “I get that you love your kid! We all do!! But this is one crazy ass ride!!”
The writers of the book, I Just Want to Pee Alone are my long lost best friends, they just don’t realize it yet. I want to invite them all over to my house for coffee (or wine drank from coffee cups, whatever) and tell them tale after hilarious tale of my own motherhood journey and hope that they think I am one tenth as hilarious as they are and accept me into their clan.
I was about three essays in when I decided to buy a copy for my best friend who is having her baby shower this weekend. (Though I will give it to her with the caveat that she not read it until her little peanut is two months old. Otherwise, I suspect she work out a way to keep her child inside until he is eighteen.) By the time I finished the book I had purchased three more copies for other moms I know.
Forget that book about healthy sleep habits, this is the book I’m now giving new moms.
Patti Ford from Insane in the Mom-Brain wrote, “When you’re a mom, crazy shit happens every single day. Your child will do things that you would probably beat the crap out of a grown-up person for doing.”
Ummm, yeah! Thank you for saying this Patti! Thank you even more for saying it in print. I am so grateful that there is a group of women out there who are willing to go on record with just how crazy it is to be a mother and be responsible for these tiny people who will do, and oh dear lord, let’s not forget say, aaaaaannnnything.
Can I tell you who I really want to be best friends with now? Meredith Spidel from The Mom of the Year. Her essay about finding humor after the death of her mother was both hilarious and heart warming. As someone who has lost a mother, and has a sense of humor, I can say that what she wrote was dead on. (Is it wrong to say it that way?)
“Looking at my knife, I pondered if Googling DIY vasectomy instruction would initiate any red flags or calls to the local authorities.” — Bethany Thies from Bad Parenting Moments
” . . . . resisting the urge to tackle her and slap her face back and forth in a manner that would be studied by fighting coaches and pimps alike . . . ” – Keesha Beckford from Mom’s New Stage
Talking about how hungry you are when you are pregnant, “I am not talking just any kind of hungry here. I’m talking about a hunger in which you would eat the ass end of a horse if that is what was on the table.” – Tara from You Know it Happens at Your House Too
I would quote Jen from People I Want to Punch in the Throat, but since her chapter is so funny, I feel like it’s really best read in it’s entirety. With a depends on.
“From the moment I stuck a stick in my urine stream, my life has been one embarrassment after another.” – Amy from Funny is Family
The entire last paragraph of Stephanie Giese’s piece! You can find her over at Binkies and Briefcases.
And as I am running the risk of just reprinting the entire book here, I will leave you with the quote that I think is so true and makes this the perfect book for any new mom:
“As a mother of four, I can assert that nothing I’ve done as a mother was harder than having only one child.” – Nicole Leigh Shaw from Ninja Mom Blog
And because I am so enamored with this book, and the lovely women who wrote it, and because my cheeks hurt from laughing just writing this post, I’m going to personally buy an ecopy for one of you lucky devils! If you have a kindle, and iphone, or an ipad, you will be able to read it at your leisure. Just don’t do it on the elliptical. You will laugh so hard you will nearly fall off. And that’s dangerous. I should know. a Rafflecopter giveaway